I told one of my very close friends on Sunday that she must ” never” listen to other people when it comes to choosing her mate. I said this to her like the Guru I sometimes think I am (after all this time I still haven’t learnt to never say never ). Love, if you find that there is someone in this world you love, in secrete or in public, love them and don’t let them go. She looked at me with that ” Are you listening to yourself, I don’t know what you’re talking about look” and replied where does this come from? It’s a response I’ve heard so many times in my quest for love – so I was prepared. Look at me, I said, you see that I am alone now, and if you don’t want to be alone ( which she doesn’t, myself included) then don’t listen to other people just go for the one you love, that one that makes sense to you, the one that works. I have given up on so many people as you know, I allowed the world and circumstances to determine my love life, and well if you don’t want to be alone. Don’t do what I did. She stared at me still with that you have gone crazy look in her eyes and then she asked; but what if the one you love doesn’t want to stay…?
It’s a common occurrence, in fact its way too common as far as I am concerned. The ones who are willing to stay are numbered, 1 or 2. I guess you’ll just have to accept that they want to move and you must move on too, continue on your own journey. Wish them well. I say, in my heart as I walked out the door. It was truly a bizarrely uncomfortable conversation, because we have known each other and each others lovers for years and we are both at a point where we want a change in our lives – again. It was a real conversation, we aborted. It was uncomfortable for me because I realized there are so many people I have hurt with my love, whom I’ve left with no choice but to leave in order to save themselves, and there’s also been others who have left me gasping for air after they knocked the air right out of my lungs. I’d say we’re even now. So where to from here….
In thinking about love ( which here specifically refers to love of the romantic kind) I have found over and over again, despite my best intentions that: Terms and Conditions do apply;
Money: Are you able to make and keep money. how much do you have and how much can we make together.
Sex: How important is sexual intercourse for you on a scale of one to ten? Once a day, week, month, Never?
Status: How would a merger with you benefit me, in my career, family life, business etc. Upward Mobility, Downward Mobility, No change?
Love: How do you know when it is real?
Faith: Do you believe what I believe? also known as religion.
Each of these five Ts and Cs take priority over time depending on where you are in your life mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. So what makes for a good merger?
I asked this question to a good friend I met a few months ago. He has just gotten married now for a second time, and he is in his 60’s. I asked him what he learnt from his first marriage. He said communication is important. We need to talk.
My first wife was very insecure, never experienced love in her life, so she never fully opened up, so in the end it didn’t work out. He told me as if he was describing a great mature wine. The only person I think she truly loves is our daughter, he concluded. Talking is important I am learning as I go along or should I say communication is more more important than talking. We need to let others know where we are and what we’re going through.
And now the second one? I ask. Feeling like a ten-year old again… ” well” he answered with a wry smile ” she saved my life, you see, can’t imagine life without her” Is all he said.
So how should I choose? I asked him. It’s not an exact science he said but you can:
1. Ignore the looks
2. They must be even-tempered, able to deal with you and your various emotions, moods swings etc.
3. They must not mind you being in the limelight.
Sounds easy enough one would think. Okay What about me I thought, what do I want.
1. Children? Money? Wealth? Knowledge? Fame?
After having been knocked down by love so many times, I have drafted what I think is a simple list of my terms and conditions . If we can do this, the rest will be just a Breeze:
1. I must be able to laugh with you
2. Work with you.
3. Play with you.
4. Cry with you and my personal and final favourite is…
5. Dance with you.
I am an Artist. A love Activist. Which is the greatest equalizer in any relationship, which ever way you look at it.
Never thought I’d say this but in my love life
Terms and Conditions do Apply.
What are yours…..?